Year End Juice Cleanse (1/3)


The first cleanse I did was The Master Cleanse a couple of summers ago after I volunteered for a New York Cares community event in Bed-Stuy. That day, I randomly ran into one fly shorty I knew from high school (she was actually the New York Cares event team leader!), then ran into a different young lady (let’s call her Suzie) that knew another young lady that I crushed on in high school. Then I met Suzie’s friend who is like some ill black kung fu master – and he told me I should do that shit. I don’t meet many black (or any) kung fu masters on the reg, and I had already heard about the cleanse from a couple of people earlier in the summer, so I was like word, I should do that shit. Life changing b!
Now there are a few reasons to do a liquid cleanse – most often, I think ppl do it to lose weight. I don’t knock anyone doing it as a reduction diet per se, but I feel like it can do more harm than good if the intention is to just drop a cpl pounds right quick and then go right back to that McDonalds regimen nahmean. It makes more of an impact, imho, if you’re seriously considering changing your lifestyle up. I was a pescatarian for years prior to doing The Master Cleanse for the first time, but straight up, I was still eating a lotta bullshit yo. Having the occasional loosie/libation, pizza, the fluorocarbons + monoxide that had the fish I was eating lookin’ cockeyed and more = hella toxin accumulation. And that’s not counting all the years that I did eat all the lovely hormone injected meat products from the supermarket and MickeyWendyKingCastle. Plus, I remember feeling a bit off balance and knowing I needed to do something drastic as a next step – so it happened at just the right time for me. Each time I’ve done a cleanse/fast afterwards, I’ve done it on some clearing the energy/renewal type shit. But whatever your motivation, and whatever program you choose, I think the most important part is if you start it, see it through.

So boom – last year, I went into the new year on the master cleanse. Felt like the right time, plus being in the middle of TMC is a great way to minimize the risk of ratchet/morningafterfacepalm type behavior yadig. So for NYE I was sippin lemonade and watching Blade Runner + Indiana Jones 1-3, and it was one of the better NYEs I’ve had in recent memory. The year before, I bar-backed with/for some slimy individuals at some swanky shit 4 some extra bread. It was… sobering. And not worth it. No doubt, that experience played a part in how I spent last NYE, and how this one will be spent.

At the moment, I know that I don’t need something as intense as The Master Cleanse, but I decided last week that bringing in the New Year once again on a cleanse felt right energetically. So – I referred to Va$htie’s log of her Blueprint Cleanse ( 1 l 2 l 3 l 4 l 5 ) and figured I’d do something similar, both in terms of logging and the program (thanks Vash). So I’m more or less following her and the Blueprint’s, um, blueprint. But I just got this pretty lil’ thang below, so I’m going to try making the juice myself.

Costs less than a pair of J’s, and won’t ever be played out! #longtermtinvestments

Based on prior experience, I recommend easing into liquid diets a couple of days before by eating as close to a vegan diet as possible. I would do something like steel cut oatmeal w/ water (or non-dairy milk), cranberries, raisins and maple syrup for breakfast, a salad w/ a non-creamy dressing i.e. balsamic vinaigrette for lunch, and fruit and/or something like pea masala w/ quinoa for dinner. In between those meals, plenty of water, almonds and fruit will hold you down lovely.


Day 1 – Saturday December 29th, 2012

2PM – Juice 1 – Greens: Kale, Spinach, Celery, Cucumber, Apple, Parsley, Lemon, Broccoli, Ginger
Woke up feeling rested but a little lightheaded. Made the mistake of sleeping in. Should have stayed up when I woke up at 10AM. Anyway – shit taste right. Broccoli and ginger weren’t on the recipe but I felt like it so *shrug*. Had a tall glass. Shit taste good to me, but I understand how the sight of green juice can be off putting if you ain’t used to it.

3:30 – Juice 1.5: Greens
Had some leftover from the 1st that I plan to use for Juice 3. Had like 1/4 glass.

5PM – Juice 2: Pineapple, Apple, Orange
Aight so technically, I think it was supposed to be Pineapple, Apple and Mint, but when I went to cop some fresh mint leaves the shits the store had looked wild janky. I also was short on apples, so I threw an orange in this shit. I’m at the point now where I’ve accepted I’ma be improvising like a muhfucka over the course of these three days. I’ma try to stick to the script but, you know how it go. Anyway, this shit is one of the best things I’ve tasted in my life. Word up! I had to keep reminding myself that since I’m not eating I needed to slow up and savor or it woulda been deaded in one take.

7PM – Juice 3:  Greens
Not hungry. Doin the trick. Need a nap tho. Bout to (re)watch Rubicon and nod off for a lil bit.

11PM – Juice 4: Spicy Lemonade – Purified Water, 2 tbsp Lemon Juice (approx. 1/2 lemon), 2 tbsp Dark Amber Pure Maple Syrup, 1/10th tbsp Cayenne Pepper
I think the Blueprint folks got this from The Master Cleanse, but swapped out the dark amber maple syrup for agave. I haven’t looked it up, but while agave may be good, I have a feeling that it ain’t fuckin’ with that grade B dark amber maple syrup flow in the nutrients department. And in general I think agave taste a lil funny (just my opinion) so maple ftw. I used The Master Cleanse ingredients for this one.

Soaking the cashews for 1hr in filtered water prior to blending

12AM – Juice 5 – Cashew Milk
Aight so I’m violatin a little. I was supposed to have another green drink before this, but it’s already midnight, and I had big ass glasses earlier, so I’m skippin it. I’ll be more diligent tomorrow. In any case, I got the recipe for the cashew milk here. Shit is wild good. I used maple syrup as the sweetener. Had no idea it was this easy to make nut based milk. Also – feel completely full at this point. Not hungry at all. But to reiterate, this shit is MAD GOOD SUN. Even if you’re not planning on doing a juice cleanse, if you have a blender, you should try the recipe and thank me later.